I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
