I look better un-naked...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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