I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
