I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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