Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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