DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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