i think i have two assholes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize