i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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