I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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