Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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