I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
