i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
