She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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