I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Randomize
