It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
