dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
PANTIES FOUND
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
