Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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