Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
