My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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