Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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