I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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