apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
