Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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