I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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