oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You ruined the universe
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
