I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?