I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.