using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.