What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.