She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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