i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
