he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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