Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
