Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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