When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
