Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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