a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
