how can u be prego again
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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