My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
