I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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