I have demons in me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
