Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
