I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
