i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
