I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
