if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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