i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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