May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
