They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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