I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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