You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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