You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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