Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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