I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
