woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
