Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
