I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
