im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
