I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
