i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
