So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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