dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
