Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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