i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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