so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
