Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
