Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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