Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
