no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
