I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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