Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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