I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
