I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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