Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
