She's JV to your varsity
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
