I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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