he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize