4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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