im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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